Life… For the Living

You live and you learn… Moving is living… Life is what happens when you are busy making plans… and the list goes on. All of it is true, all of it is practical.

I can not say that I’ve had it easy… I’ve grieved loved ones, lost friendships, missed opportunities, loneliness all of it unwelcome but necessary.

The emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. It’s been overwhelming, all kinds of difficult and unexpected émotions of profound sadness. But a heart that’s broken sure is a heart that’s been loved and loved.

The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nevertheless, at the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer, we remember them.

Dust sleeping on my bookshelf
and all my plants are drying out.
I find myself too busy doing nothing to save myself. Life can sometimes seem to be unfair
but hoping is better than you think.

If you feel lost, be patient with yourself while you find your way. If you feel scared, be gentle with yourself while you find the strength to face your fear. If you feel hurt, be kind to yourself while you grieve and slowly heal. You can’t bully yourself into clarity, courage, or peace, and you can’t rush self-discovery or transformation. Some things simply take time, so take the pressure off and give yourself space to grow.

So I choose gratitude… makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow and nobody is going to make it out alive anyway. Remember, tough times dont last… tough people do.


Your alarm goes off, in the wash of the new light. Your face takes on another new day… well not entirely new, as you are still to take on the daily routine of capitalism.

You hit the snooze button, until its time to seize the day, not ‘snooze the day.’ A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.

All my life I have battled the alarm clock, twisting and turning with mounting self-loathing until the shame is finally strong enough to leave be upright.

You say a little prayer, an awkward one at that… more of a mere mental exercise and not a vocal performance. Its all about believing, in things that are true and things that are not true and things where nobody knows if they’re true or not.

You dont think much of the day, its a classical pattern, a tradition, a shadow.

Then you meet the doctor on the highway. Its a once in a lifetime chance, to turn it to good fortune, to escape the dark nothingness of oblivion.

We are well into the 2nd month of the year, you are yet to have a vision board, you were dedicated to keeping fit but that dedication only lasted as short as a lawyer’s beard. Basically, your year is not any different from the past.

You never thought of having a meaningful conversation, meaningful enough to be an awakening and more so with an intellect who is well into their postgraduate doctoral degree.

So, do you have a vision board for this new year? Do you intend on being a better person this year? How is your inner circle? Do you love what you do? Are you doing what you love?

I met a doctor on the highway, that nudged me in the direction of terror and brought me back to safety with a vision so clear that my fears became irrelevant.

Keep your dreams alive, do that which brings love, brings laughter, brings beautiful memories… and above all growth!


Amidst the first month of the Gregorian calendar, read Njaanuary, I found my way to a beautiful destination. Where my heart settled to a perfect rhythm with the ocean waves and my mind found clarity with the sunset.

Traveling alone is amusing, but for a first timer, I was hysterical. Not because of the fact that donkeys feel the need to leave evidence of their existence everywhere, but mostly because of the fact that cats in Lamu are the same size as that of starved cheetahs and the locals Swahili will have you rethinking of getting a Kamusi.

In being isolated from all that I am accustomed to, exploring the narrow streets, grasping on the culture that is exhibitory diverse and nothing like I have ever known, I came to a few revelations.

We all live in the same planet, yet worlds apart. While most cities always seem alive around the clock, Lamu sleeps at the witching hour… away from books, away from art, the day erased, the lesson done.

In the city it is all about waking up before dawn, not to the light or crowing of the neighbors cock, but to the stirring of school buses, commuter trains, and changing of traffic lights amidst a congestion of almost stagnant cars. Mornings in the metropolis are ancient before the sun even rises.

The island wakes with the sun a majestic, quiet and calm wake. Your transition into the new day is a fluid one. Wake up, pour that tea and enjoy the tranquility of the quiet morning breeze, save for the Imam calling the faithfuls for prayers and a few attention seeking donkeys.

Days progress slowly in Lamu, no agony about traffic, no hiked bus fares, no hawkers and their routine cat and mouse chase with the city council officers, no pickpockets, no uncultured bodabodas or riding the train with your forehead pressed up against the window and not because you are daydreaming.

So if you ever want to go a day without seeing any cars, or at-most just want to see two cars… if you ever want to be around more donkeys than humans… if you ever want to enjoy a live Taarab band overlooking the ocean

Lamu Island is beautiful, and in that beauty I found the perfect balance.

Leaps and Bounds

You battle it, deny it… even try to forget about it. But if it is something you have to face, you will…and YOU MUST!!

I have been battling with a demon… a demon that has managed to convince me over the years that I can only derive my happiness from other people, that I can only be whole when I am involved with someone. That being alone equates to being sad.

But giving my love to others has never been enough for me, for when the same is not reciprocated I cave, I break, I hurt, I feel undeserving… and this feeling, I loathe it.

Its time though… time to change that, time fight this demon, time to rise up against all odds and come to the realization that true happiness and contentment comes from within, that in solitude the mind gains strength and learns to lean upon itself.

Loneliness is such an omnipotent and painful threat to many persons that they have little conception of positive values of solitude and even at times are frightened at the prospect of being alone.

This is a rather bitter pill to swallow… accepting that I need to love myself before I can love others, that I need to be my own person because everyone else is trying to figure out this thing called life the best way they can…

So yes, I will have to let go of yesterday, let today be a new beginning and probably the best that I can… for every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.

I will as I must… for dissatisfaction is a great starting point and the greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself.

Taking Stock and Silent Battles

  • Learn to love yourself, and by loving yourself I mean just as the Bible says… Love your neighbor as you love yourself, telltale, they way you love yourself is the way you should love others.
  • Learn to be your own person… being comfortable around yourself, being content with yourself as an individual, being able to enjoy your own company is a gift more precious than gold.
  • Not everything has to go your way and that is fine.
  • Everyone else is living their life… live yours


  • Read a book, watch a movie, go for walks… spending 30 minutes of your day by yourself in your thoughts is somewhat therapeutic.
  • You do not always have to react to everything… some things are better left unsaid, be slow to anger.
  • Its okay to be sad, its okay to cry… they are emotions as is as is happiness, fear, anger, disgust, pity…
  • Value your health… physically, mentally, emotionally
  • Take that leap of faith, you never know what is on the other side as long as your fears blind you
  • Be kind.

I have been loving the idea of not being what people expect me to be lately…


Rainbows and clear skies

Figuratively though, because the weather has been a torment… but one I could get used to.

When you eventually hit rock bottom, you have nowhere else to go but up… up up up and away….

To the a place that tenders nothing but love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, humility and self-control.

where the good disallows the bad…

where happiness quashes sadness…

where self-love is more valuable than altruism…

where inner peace is more important than exterior criticism…

I am in no way insinuating that it will always be a bed of roses, or a walk in the park… or bacon wrapped cheese fries if I may

But once you learn who you are… the good, the bad and the ugly.

That your imperfection is beauty… and your madness is genius.

That being in love with the person in the mirror who has been through so much but is still standing is more valuable than gold.

Almost always… There will be rainbows and clear skies.


But not out.

The big D… that creeps in, like a thief in the night.

That crushes you… That deflates you… That wears you out… That makes you sad… That makes you angry… That makes you hateful… That cripples you… That tears you apart.


It engulfs you, into an almost unreachable light. You lose sight of your goals… You lose yourself… You lose it all.

In the darkness, you discover your flaws… you discover your strengths… you discover yourself… your mind, your body, your spirit.

You survive another day… You grow stronger… You become better… unrivaled, unbeaten. You find yourself happy, at peace with yourself, at peace with the world…

You learn to love yourself… you learn to walk through the fire… you learn to cruise through the storm… you learn to sail through the winds… you learn to balance through the quakes… you learn to brave it… you learn to embrace it… you learn to fight it.

I am an introverted extrovert, down… but not out.

Vibrations of tremors that shook not so long ago

Pack that bag, go on that adventure… the world has a lot to give.

Bend differently… behind that fear lies your greatest breakthrough.

The fire in you… ignited by love, passion, motivation, innovation, battles, it dies out if you don’t keep it burning.

Life is like math… add value to it, subtract the unnecessary, multiply the virtues and share the happiness.

Selfishness and selflessness… there are days that will call for you to be selfish, and there are days that will call for you to be selfless. Don’t get them mixed up.

Embrace the sunrise… it is a beautiful way to start your day.

The moon is a loyal companion… sometimes weak and wan, sometimes strong and full of light. It understands what it means to be human.

Long for perfect sunsets… they leave you untroubled and bring a little happy each time.

Watch the stars… there is no shortage of fault to be found amid our stars.

The Great Lake Elementaita called, and I answered… listened, took nothing but pictures, left nothing but footprints and gained a little healing for the world.


Till I find that which makes me breathe.

That which is priceless.

That which amplifies my spirit.

That which awakens my soul.

That which gives me peace.

That which gives me life.

That which I can call my own.

That which my eyes betray.

That which my smile holds.

That which my guise radiates.

That which my walk resounds.

That which my talk effuses.

That which spreads… rays of hope.

That which words alone can not express.

The innermost of me fondles… ripples of exuberance, dancing to the tempo of my ectstacy.

That which is beautiful.

That which is right.

So help me God