You battle it, deny it… even try to forget about it. But if it is something you have to face, you will…and YOU MUST!!
I have been battling with a demon… a demon that has managed to convince me over the years that I can only derive my happiness from other people, that I can only be whole when I am involved with someone. That being alone equates to being sad.
But giving my love to others has never been enough for me, for when the same is not reciprocated I cave, I break, I hurt, I feel undeserving… and this feeling, I loathe it.
Its time though… time to change that, time fight this demon, time to rise up against all odds and come to the realization that true happiness and contentment comes from within, that in solitude the mind gains strength and learns to lean upon itself.
Loneliness is such an omnipotent and painful threat to many persons that they have little conception of positive values of solitude and even at times are frightened at the prospect of being alone.
This is a rather bitter pill to swallow… accepting that I need to love myself before I can love others, that I need to be my own person because everyone else is trying to figure out this thing called life the best way they can…
So yes, I will have to let go of yesterday, let today be a new beginning and probably the best that I can… for every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.
I will as I must… for dissatisfaction is a great starting point and the greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself.
Figuratively though, because the weather has been a torment… but one I could get used to.
When you eventually hit rock bottom, you have nowhere else to go but up… up up up and away….
To the a place that tenders nothing but love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, humility and self-control.
where the good disallows the bad…
where happiness quashes sadness…
where self-love is more valuable than altruism…
where inner peace is more important than exterior criticism…
I am in no way insinuating that it will always be a bed of roses, or a walk in the park… or bacon wrapped cheese fries if I may
But once you learn who you are… the good, the bad and the ugly.
That your imperfection is beauty… and your madness is genius.
That being in love with the person in the mirror who has been through so much but is still standing is more valuable than gold.
Almost always… There will be rainbows and clear skies.
But not out.
The big D… that creeps in, like a thief in the night.
That crushes you… That deflates you… That wears you out… That makes you sad… That makes you angry… That makes you hateful… That cripples you… That tears you apart.
It engulfs you, into an almost unreachable light. You lose sight of your goals… You lose yourself… You lose it all.
In the darkness, you discover your flaws… you discover your strengths… you discover yourself… your mind, your body, your spirit.
You survive another day… You grow stronger… You become better… unrivaled, unbeaten. You find yourself happy, at peace with yourself, at peace with the world…
You learn to love yourself… you learn to walk through the fire… you learn to cruise through the storm… you learn to sail through the winds… you learn to balance through the quakes… you learn to brave it… you learn to embrace it… you learn to fight it.
I am an introverted extrovert, down… but not out.
Pack that bag, go on that adventure… the world has a lot to give.
Bend differently… behind that fear lies your greatest breakthrough.
The fire in you… ignited by love, passion, motivation, innovation, battles, it dies out if you don’t keep it burning.
Life is like math… add value to it, subtract the unnecessary, multiply the virtues and share the happiness.
Selfishness and selflessness… there are days that will call for you to be selfish, and there are days that will call for you to be selfless. Don’t get them mixed up.
Embrace the sunrise… it is a beautiful way to start your day.
The moon is a loyal companion… sometimes weak and wan, sometimes strong and full of light. It understands what it means to be human.
Long for perfect sunsets… they leave you untroubled and bring a little happy each time.
Watch the stars… there is no shortage of fault to be found amid our stars.
The Great Lake Elementaita called, and I answered… listened, took nothing but pictures, left nothing but footprints and gained a little healing for the world.
Till I find that which makes me breathe.
That which is priceless.
That which amplifies my spirit.
That which awakens my soul.
That which gives me peace.
That which gives me life.
That which I can call my own.
That which my eyes betray.
That which my smile holds.
That which my guise radiates.
That which my walk resounds.
That which my talk effuses.
That which spreads… rays of hope.
That which words alone can not express.
The innermost of me fondles… ripples of exuberance, dancing to the tempo of my ectstacy.
That which is beautiful.
That which is right.
So help me God
And you will never become older.
Do you remember… your first day of school? Your innocence as a child?
Do you remember… losing your first tooth? Your second? Your third?
Do you remeber… learning to write? The magic in holding a wand that dribbled patterns?
Do you remember… learning to sing? The delightful feeling of gaiety that burst inside of you as you chorused with unmatched rhythm?
Do you remember… owning a tri-cycle? Advancing to four wheels? Finally graduating to two? The sentiment of attaining autonomy and steadiness?
Do you remember… the simplicity of life? In thoughts? Words? Actions? Understanding? Living? Loving? Saintliness? Before it all got tangled?
Life? Before it all got in the way of true happiness? Before our emotions got carvenous? The engulfing torture of our progressing persona? Real pain? Real heartaches? Real rage? Real detest? Real controversy? Real choices? Regrets?
Was it all rapid? Were you armored? Ready for battle? To face the real world? Decrease the bad in the good? Increase the good in the bad?
The chastity… is it in you? Unearth it? Soldier on? Conquer?
It is curbed in your childhood… carry it with you,
And you will never become older.